Pussy!!!

NO, not that kind. The furry kind...er...the hairy kind...never mind. I mean cats. First, let me start off by saying that I didn't always like cats. I thought they were snobby, no fun pets that people who live in apartments had because they couldn't have dogs. Then I met my friend Shelby's cat, Weezy (Louise). I used to go over and check on Weezy when Shelby was traveling. I would go over and sit on the couch (I watched TV over there because Shelby had better cable than I did) and Weezy would come sit right next to me so I could pet her.  Then I go over to the kitchen sink and she would start to dance, because that was where the brush was. It was so cute!

Then I got my first cat, Kitty. What a cat. Picture this: It's the middle of the night. I'm awoken by a sound I've never heard before. It's this weird gag/hack. I turn on the light and there is Kitty with about 10 inches of the elastic from a pair of pajama bottoms down her throat. I had to slowly pull it out (basically from her stomach) while we both were gagging. Then there were the games she would play, like "Middle of the night knock everything off the dresser", and "I want to move into the kitchen sink and live there forever". One morning, I made toast and brought the container of margarine out to the coffee table. I swear I was only gone for a minute and that cat had her face planted in the tub. I hissed at her and she looked up at me, chewing a mouthful of margarine. She swallowed and said, "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Now we have 5 kitties. It's like a zoo here. At night we hear them running around, fighting, hissing...it's insane. I'd like to present to you a list of things I like/don't like about having 5 cats:

Don't Like: Litter boxes/cat shit
Cat shit reeks. It's the worst smell ever. When their boxes are getting changed, they go hide somewhere and eat boxes of Cracklin' Oat Bran, hot dogs, and broccoli. As soon as you're done, they take turns emptying their bowels and high-fiving each other if either of us retch.
Like: Automatic litter boxes
They scoop themselves. You don't have to touch them until the little box is full of poop. Then you replace the litter cartridge and box with a new one. Boom. Done.

Don't Like: Cat puke
We have cats with bulimia. They eat, then decide they ate too much, then they puke. Butters (our most recent addition) can throw up a cat food meat loaf. You can always tell a Rollie throw up because it always ends with a hair ball. It's like a little black exclamation point at the end.
Like: Pollie likes to eat throw up
Our Pollie is a little cat throw up Hoover. He will feast on a pile of "leftovers" so all I have to clean up is the hairball.

Don't Like: Cat hair
Sweet mother of GOD!!!! The hair is everywhere. If I could get them all electrolysis I would.
Like: The Furminator
If you have a pet, get one of these. It's the best brush. Ever.

Now, I'd like to share some "off the top of my head" cat haiku. Please enjoy my half assed poetry.

Night
Black cat, orange cat
Quit fucking with each other.
I'm trying to sleep

Vomit
Retching gagging sounds
I can't see where he threw up
Ew, my sock is wet.

Poo
The box is now clean
Dig, wince, dig, scratch scratch
I need to throw up

So, how about some of your favorite "pet" things? Or, perhaps you want to blow your artistic load all over some haiku? Either way, please leave some comments.

Happy Pussy Petting!

Dana C.