Vapid

Violence on TV and the computer has already numbed me to the acts of bad people, this I know. When horrible stories are shared, I barely feel them. They are pictures on a screen, poorly taken cell phone footage, eyewitnesses and the media are just actors reading lines, playing a part. That's just how it is for me.With everything that happened in CT yesterday, I feel empty and unmotivated to contribute. Yesterday and today, the Internet is an overwhelming emotional roller coaster of grief, sadness, anger, fear, and opinions. While some folks may thrive on the emotional debates that come out of these acts of violence, I have nothing to offer. I am in my own head. I don't want to hear or see anymore than I already have. So today, no Facebook. No CNN.com, no local news site gathering the opinions of those in my town on the tragedy that occurred, no articles listing the statistics of violence in the US, or countries with more gun laws, no trying to tie yesterday's events to previous acts of violence or any of that. I have relocated into my own mind where I choose to deal (or not deal) with this. I understand that for many people, the Internet is a place to share their stance, to take sides, or to try and show others why they feel the way they feel, but I'm not feeling it today. I am numb to it all. The out pouring of emotion and passion and sadness has pushed me to the point of empty.

I used to think that I joked around a lot because I didn't want to show my true self, but I realized that it's just because I like to try and choose who gets to see the real me and my emotions. I guess that's why stuff like this just makes me shut down. There is a tidal wave of emotions and opinions, and victims, and grief, and sadness, and the pictures of prayer candles and "thoughts going out to the victims and families" feel like they have no value because there's just too much of it. I know that's a terrible thing to say, it's just how I feel. To me, the outpouring of support and the politics that go along with it...it's like walking into a room where the walls, floors ceilings and every single content is painted the same shade of grey. There's so much of it, that it looks like nothing. A room full of emptiness.

I know it's fucked up but I can't help it. And since everyone else gets to share their feelings on the Internet, I can too. But I'm not posting this on Facebook. I'm done with that today. I don't even care if anyone reads this, to be honest. I just needed to get it out of my head.

Dana C.

Unlike Me

My blog mentor and friend posted a contest from the Facebook page of The Inn at Weathersfield:

Look what we found in the basement! As far as we know, no one ever swam in the pond. So...tell us how this life preserver ended up at the inn. The story can be true or not. The best - we'll be the judge - will receive major bragging rights and a $50 gift certificate to be used at the inn.

I am not a writer, nor am I a contest person. But I couldn't stop thinking about this picture once I saw it. This story started forming in my mind...it was not like the usual things I think of. There was nothing offensive, or dark, or funny about it. Could I write something like that? Where would I even begin? I paced around a bit, psyching myself up to write. I sat down and looked up the Inn's website, and found a picture of a bedroom with a fireplace in it, which sealed the deal for me (you'll see why later on). I knew I had to write this story. I knew that even though I had made it up in my head, that it really WAS the answer to their question. So, without further ado, I present to you my contest submission...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the summer of 1776 in Philadelphia , a happily married couple spent a weekend in August celebrating the birthday of their 6 year old son, Jack. Jack was their only child after many years of trying, and his birthday riding on the coattails of the signing of the Declaration of Independence was cause for much celebration. Jack's parents knew what an exciting time they were in, and they had very high hopes for their son. They wanted him to go into this world with all of the opportunities that the newly formed country was offering. Jack grew up in a loving home, with the world as his oyster.

  

Dianna was a sweet 4 year old girl the summer Jack turned 6. The stress of her long birth was too much for her mother. Despite the tragedy surrounding her birth, Dianna was the heart of her family. Her father made sure she knew what a wonderful woman she came from, and her grandmother lived with them, along with her aunt and uncle, her 5 cousins, and older brother. They lived as indentured servants, in a small 3 room house on a farm in South Carolina under the t"rule" of a cruel farmer. They knew they were never going to earn their keep to be able to gain their freedom, so one night under the supervision of their father, Dianna's older brother took her and they ran. They lived off of the kindness of strangers, working odd jobs to eat, and made it to Massachusetts the year Dianna turned 16.

 

While Dianna and her brother were settling into freedom and establishing a new life in the city of Boston, Jack had came into his own independence. An 18 year old hard working man, he had been on fishing boats since his father took him crabbing in the Chesapeake Bay at the age of 13. In the spring of 1788 Jack was in Boston working on the different boats and gaining a reputation of a great deckhand worth every share he earned. Dianna had found steady work washing the offloads of the fish and crab boats. From the moment they met during an offload, Jack knew he was in love.

 

Dianna did not want to be involved with Jack. He was a white man, and her brother had told her never to trust a white man's interest in her. But something told her Jack was different. Through his tough exterior his eyes were kind, loving, and pure. Jack was determined to make Dianna his forever. He knew it seemed impossible...he was going to spend his entire life defending him and his wife's pure love from the hate of others. But his love had overshadowed the realities of the world. After a year of secret dates, stolen kisses, and hidden glances, he decided to do something about it.

 

He took her away for a summer weekend in Vermont, to a quiet town in Southern Vermont. Laying under the stars that first night in a clearing he had picked out, they fell asleep gazing into each others eyes, feeling content for the first time in their lives. The next day, he got down on one knee in the middle of the clearing and said to her, "Dianna, I have nothing but my love for you in my heart. You have made me feel like my life is worth living and I am going to live it with you. I have bought this land to build you a home. Here we will live, get married, and have babies. We will turn our love into a family of love and we will share that love with this town and they will have no choice but to love us back. I know this will happen because my heart tells me so...." She smiled down on him and started to ask, "But how..." and he continued, "I have no idea", he said with tears in his eyes, "But we will do it all. I don't have a ring to make this promise because I spent all of my savings on this land to build our home, but I found something that I hope you will accept" He got up, ran over to his bag, and pulled out a life buoy. As he jogged back, she couldn't help but giggle at his innocence and sweetness. Back down on one knee, he said "We use these on our boats. If one of us falls in the water, we throw it to them to keep them afloat until we can pull them back in. It's called a kisby ring and I think it better shows you how I feel than any silly ring you would wear on your finger. It's my promise to keep you afloat, to always be there to support you and to save you if you need to be saved. You will have me to hold onto whenever you need me. Forever" She took the kisby ring and threw her arms around his neck, tears streaming down her face. "Forever?", she whispered in his ear. "Forever", he confirmed.

 

A few years later, they were settling into their new home that Jack built. It was just starting to snow and Dianna was bustling around the house. "Jack, can you come help me hang this over the hearth?". Jack walked into their bedroom, his heart swelling with love at the sight of his wife carrying their first child. "Dianna, why in God's earth are you doing with that silly life buoy?"

 

"I'm hanging it over the fireplace. This is the symbol of our love, and of our family. I want it to be here in the room when the baby is born. I want the story of our love to be the first thing the baby hears. And when they get married and build their first home, they will have the tradition of hanging their own family symbol in their home" He hung the life buoy over the fireplace, and turned to wife, "You are an amazing woman, and you are going to be an even more amazing mother. I love you".

 

"Forever?", she said playfully.

 

"Forever", he confirmed.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

So, that was my contest submission. I hope you enjoyed it. I feel a little funny about sharing it because it's not funny, or gross. It doesn't even have a swear word in it, but it's still me.

 

Dana C.