Letter G: The Greatest Doughnut Ever

There are certain times in my life where only one thing can make feel sane..this thing can create balance in my mind. It calms me, sedates me, and loves me for who I am. That thing is sugar. Sweet, glorious, hole-in-my-soul filling sugar. To me sugar is almost a religion. And on Friday, I had a craving like no other. My friend Shelby and I were on our back from a filling lunch at Bertucci's. My lunch was tasty but something was missing...something was not calming the beast. So I asked Shelby if she minded making a pit stop with me a Honeydew Donuts. I needed a sweet fix. She agreed and in we went.

While standing at the counter, I couldn't decide what I wanted. There were a lot of choices and I had to pick JUST the right one or else my day would be ruined. I knew a Boston Creme would be a good choice, but then again, they had apple filled powdered doughnuts, and jelly filled, and plain glazed...I started to get overwhelmed. This feeling led me to my final decision: I needed 2. One Boston Creme...and something else....then I saw it: the "Manager's Special". It looked like a frosty doughnut with zebra stripes. I asked the very nice girl behind the counter, "What's the deal with that manager special?". She replied, "It's a yeast raised coconut doughnut with chocolate drizzle".

Instant food boner. A coconut doughnut with chocolate drizzle. Never in my life have I heard anything so sexy, so "pants optional", as this phrase. I knew in that moment that it had to be mine. It must be mine. So I got it (along with the Boston Creme and a cup of coffee). We sat down to eat and relax. The Boston creme was good, typical. The frosting on it was nice a rich and pretty fresh so I was happy with it. Then I took my first bite of the Manager's Special. Sweet, spongy inside, crusty sugary sweet coconuty outside with a hint of deep rich chocolate. It was heaven. Angels sang their Hallelujah Chorus. My heart was filled with the joy and peace that only a perfect sugary experience could bring. I'm instantly alone with the doughnut. We are in a candlelit room, there's smooth jazz playing softly in the background...sexy doughnut time!!!

....In the midst of my deeply sexual experience and about halfway through the doughnut I can hear giggling. Is that the doughnut? In that instant I am pulled out of my fantasy with a vacuum-like sound...Shelby is laughing at me. My face is covered in coconut, my eyes are closed. She says, "You HAVE to let me get some pictures of this". And so, I invite you to enjoy a peek into my sugar fantasy...

                                                  The Manager's Special: It certainly hit the spot

                                                Raw footage. This is what eating really looks like

                                              I'm drunk of sugar. Note the expression of pure joy.

                                     I was imagining I was a Vampire and the doughnut was a hot chick

                                                   Holy shit I burnt my mouth on hot coffee!!!

                                      I look like I'm trying to eat and take a dump at the same time. I'm not.

                                       A little bit of a giggle fit here but I'm trying to waste any doughnut.

                                                 This is what pure doughnut satisfaction looks like.

                                                          I love you. Don't ever leave me...

                                                                   Mmmmmm.....nom.

A Titanic moment: I'll never let go, Manager's Special!

Neeear...Faaar...Where EEEEEVVVEERRRR YOU AAAAARRRE....



I hope you enjoyed this doughnut fantasy with me. And a special thank you to Shelby for taking these pics, laughing with me, and letting me get a little crazy in public on a Friday.

Gimme some sugar,

Dana C



The F word..."Favorite" Things.

For the letter F, I thought I would write about some of my favorite things and share them with you. Of course, my favorite things will not cause stock outs, like on Oprah...and no one gets a car so get that out of your head right now.

Favorite Breakfast
Eggs Benedict, hands down. I could eat it everyday. Pants optional meal. I'm getting it  for breakfast this weekend now. A perfectly poached egg, rich, velvety hollandaise sauce, a thin slice of Canadian bacon slightly griddled, and the English muffin with all of it's nooks and crannies. Get eggs Benedict for breakfast any weekend at Laurieann's.

Food boner. Compliments of Laurieann's Restaurant in Northbridge, MA

Favorite Childhood Memory
In the wintertime, my Dad would snow blow all the snow into these big snowbanks and then tunnel them out so we could play in them. My mom would make us hot cocoa in a thermos and my sister and I would drink it in our "snow house". It was so much fun!

                                              Photo stolen from the internet, but you get the idea.
Favorite Phobia
I think my fear of bees is my favorite fear. It dominates my life and makes it so I don't have to go outside. I don't really like outside. It's hot and there are bugs all over the place.

                                                        Preparing to slit my wrists...

Favorite Ice Cream
Cold Store Creamery Germanchokolatekake. Un-freaking-believable. I love "stuff" in my ice cream and this has it all. If you haven't had it, go get some. Coconut, caramel, brownies, and pecans in chocolate ice cream. I am drooling on the keyboard.

Ice Cream Mecca

Favorite Place to Workout
Ahahahahahaha! I can't stop giggling. Working out sucks ass.

                                                              Four more...three more...
Favorite Cat
Rollie. He loves me more than any of the other cats and he loves me more than he loves Jim. For all of you people that think it's wrong to have a favorite cat, go pound sand. He's my favorite. He always wants me to pet him, he doesn't care about anything else, except food. You can tell that when I pet him, he forgets the rest of the world exists. He's my fur baby. The rest of the cats are totally jealous of our relationship.

                                                       Cutest sweetest kittie EVER.


Favorite Place to Hide Money in the House
I'm not telling.

So, I hope you have enjoyed this small peak into stuff I dig. Happy interwebbing!

The Letter E: Easter Candy!

As a kid, Easter is a great candy holiday, second to Halloween and may even fall in front of Christmas from a volume of sweets perception. This year, while your diving into that sweet heavenly pile of sugar, consider these facts...

                                                                     Peep Show         

How far you need to walk to work off your giant ass after the giant bunny leaves candy at your house:

• 25 small jellybeans: 1.4 miles
• 5 Peeps: 1.6 miles
• Cadbury Creme Egg: 1.7 miles
• 1 large chocolate bunny: 10.5 miles

                             This is proof that you can make really dumb shit out of jellybeans

Amount of sugar in your candy:

• 25 small jellybeans: 7 1/4 teaspoons
• 5 Peeps: 8 1/2 teaspoons
• Cadbury Creme Egg: 5 teaspoons
• 1 large chocolate bunny: 20 teaspoons

                                               I'm pretty sure they're doing it in this picture...

Some interesting ideas on sugar from our friends in the medical world, where it's all factual and sciency:

• Sugar causes wrinkles
• People who consume 25% of their caloric intake in sugar are twice as likely to have low levels of HDL (that's the good cholesterol. I have none of it. My doctor wants to punch me in the face all the time because of shit like this)
• Too much sugar can cause depression, poor memory formation, and even learning disrorders....dirsorerers.....didsorders....whatever.
• What was I saying?

                                                    Food Porn...I am so HOT right now!

Sugar can do a body (and other stuff) good:

• Mix sugar and Vaseline together for a great lip exfoliator. I did it once. I still can't believe I ate all that Vaseline.
• Sugar has been used throughout olden times and such to heal wounds
• Burn your tongue on something hot? Suck on a sugar cube. It stops the pain.
• Mash up an overripe banana with 3 tablespoons of sugar and a teaspoon of olive oil for a hippie body scrub. My husband would get one whiff of me after the shower and probably have sex with me until I passed out. So if you try this, please stay away from him.
• Add three teaspoons of sugar and two tablespoons of white vinegar per quart of warm water for fresh-cut flowers. The sugar feeds the stems and the vinegar restricts the growth of bacteria
• Add 1/4 cup of sugar to a coffee or spice grinder to clean and absorb odors

So, I hope this little trip into Easter candy has made you sick and hungry at the same time. Happy Easter if you celebrate it! And if you don't, I hope you will still partake in some Easter themed candy. I mean, who wouldn't like to bite the heads off of chocolate bunnies?