K is for FEAR

A short time ago I did a post about phobias and while it's not nice to laugh at people's fears it was pretty funny. So I thought I would "learn us all" some K phobias. Are you ready to have the krap (mispelling and grammar intended, word nazis) scared out of you?

And right out of the gate with a vagina joke:

Kolpophobia- Fear of genitals, particularly female
Let's talk about this one. Fear of genitals. Just marinade in that for a minute. It's pretty messed up. Does that mean you're also afraid of your own genitals? Then what? How do you function in society...how do you go to work knowing that the enemy is within arm's reach? That it's in your pants and there's nothing you can do about it? That they're possibly sweating genital essence into your underwear? Or into your jeans if you don't wear underwear. Could someone who is afraid of genitals NOT wear underwear? And would Barbie dolls be like their safe place? All smooth and genital-less. And what about earthworms? How do they feel about earthworms? This is blowing my mind.

Would they be afraid of a flower that looks like a vagina?

Kynophobia- Fear of rabies
Duh. Seriously. Who doesn't have this? Is there anyone out there that's like "Whatev, rabies. You do your thing over there and I'll do my thing over here" I don't think so. In fact, I would like to believe that kynophobia is the gateway phobia to fear of squirrels, skunks, opossums and let's not forget St. Bernards (thank,s Steven King). Then there's fear of giant needles. Rabies sucks all over. Be afraid of rabies. It's normal.

It's OK. Be afraid.

Kleptophobia- Fear of stealing
Haha! Good. This is another good one to have. It pairs nicely with "fear of getting caught" and "fear of jail". I am curious how one is diagnosed with kleptophobia. For example, you'd have to BE STEALING to realize you're afraid of it. And then what?

Oh wait, I know. STOP STEALING SHIT, YOU KLEPTO!!!

I totally get this one.

Kyphophobia- Fear of stooping
When I saw this, I said, huh? I sat here and took a moment for myself. I had to ask myself: Is there another definition of stooping other than "to bend down" or "lower to", because I don't get this one at all. So I used my trusty little computer box to look up some more info on the subject. I came across a website that is supposed to cure people of their fears. Here's what they had to say about the subject:

Kyphophobia Risk Factors & Causes

Cases of kyphophobia are usually (although not always) caused by an intense negative experience from the past. But your mind can also create that fear seemingly without basis. The key is digging down to the source and replacing negative associations with positive ones. Those at greatest risk include:

• People with a general tendency towards fear and anxiety
• People characterized as ‘high strung’
• People suffering from adrenal insufficiency

Do any of those describe you?

Uh, maybe. Then I had to look up adrenal insufficiency (salt cravings: YES. Weight Loss: NO, dammit!) So I guess I'm not afraid to stoop. That's good. I guess. Maybe I'll try a week without stooping and see if it affects my life, other than the fact that everyone else will have to pick stuff up for me because I will be too afraid...this is sounding awesome already.

Oh, the humanity!!!!!!

Koinoniphobia- Fear of rooms
WTF. I can't even digest this. What if someone with fear of rooms fell in love with someone with Kenophobia (fear of voids or empty space's)? Where in the hell would they live? Would they both be able to eat free range chicken? Topics that would be off limits: Outer space, Pi, doll houses, mimes being trapped in boxes, time, and jack-in-the-box.
 

RUN!!! IT'S A ROOM!!!!

RUN!!! IT'S A FIELD!!!

 I hope you have enjoyed this little trip. If we've learned anything, it's that fears come in all shapes and sizes. And some of them are perfectly OK. So, what are YOU afraid of?

Be Afraid,
Dana C.