The Letter D: Dana's Rules

Poor Jim. My husband calls them "my crazies"...the little things that make me who I am. I have irrational fears that create there "rules" in the house. He has been a gem when it comes to adapting to my insane reasons for doing things. Most everything is pretty harmless and I don't think they're completely insane, but when I tell people they think I'm a nut bag. So, here are some of my rules and reasons for them. Feel free to comment if you share any of these, or if  you think he should get his divorce papers ready because, chances are, they're only going to get worse:

Crazy Rule #1: All lights must be off in the house before bed, with the exception of those long florescent ones.
Reasoning: Any regular bulb that is near the ceiling has the potential to overheat. Overheating will cause the paint on the ceiling to get hot and create paint vapors. The paint vapors, when exposed to the heat long enough, will ignite causing a giant rolling ceiling carpet of fire killing us all before we have a chance to escape.
Reality: I know it's beyond stupid, but in my head all I see is that giant ball of fire!

                                        This is what happens when you sleep with the lights on...

Crazy Rule #2: Dirty dishes go in the right hand compartment of the sink
Reasoning: The left hand side is for getting glasses of water and I can't stand if the bottom of my glass touches a nasty-ass dirty dish. Or what if I want to drain pasta? I can't drain pasta over dirty dishes! The steam from the pasta water will take on the flavor of the rotting food, rise up, and impregnate my perfectly cooked pasta. Ew.
Reality: I truly believe that. I don't even care. You couldn't pay me to drain pasta over a cereal bowl. I'm gagging now.

                                              Hot old milk flavored elbow macaroni...barf!

Crazy Rule #3: Dusting is the Devil
Reasoning: Every time I dust, I sneeze. My eyes water, my nose runs, my mouth tastes like dirty house...it can't be good. I have tried dusting with a mask but the mask gets all steamy with my breath and it always ends up smelling like ass inside the mask. Then I gag, throw the mask away, and give up. Even if I brush my teeth before putting the mask on, it still smells like ass in no time. \
Side thought: Maybe I have halitosis? Could that be the root cause of the mask/ass issue?
Reality: I hate cleaning, so this shouldn't really surprise anyone that much, but I really don't dust. I prefer to wait until the dust gets big enough to roll itself on to the floor and then it gets vacuumed with the cat hair tumbleweed.

                           I bet you his mask smells like cotton candy inside...and possibly semen.

Crazy Rule #4: Stinkbugs in the house must die but not by me
Reasoning: When they fly they look and sound like wasps, therefore they BECOME wasps and must die. They can not be killed by me because I can't get close enough to one to kill it. If I get close to it, it morphs immediately into a wasp and will try to kill me (as all wasps are predestined to do)
Reality: I don't care if the entire bedroom smells like rotten dirt for days, they can not coexist in the same room with me.

                                     I almost punched my monitor after adding this picture.

I'm sure Jim can add about 100 more, but these were the first few that sprang to mind. Thank you to everyone who puts up with my crazies, I love you all for loving the whack-job that I am :)

                                             We're all a little crazy sometimes, aren't we?

The C word....CASINO!!!

We love to gamble! We love to go to casinos! They are so much fun! Here are the reasons why I love going to the casino:

• I get to go with Jim (he's my favorite!)
• It's one place we can go and just relax. Even though it's loud and hectic, it's so enjoyable to just walk around and do whatever we want.
• At the casino, there's no home improvement projects, no bird screaming, no cats fighting...it's a getaway from real life.
• When we go, we really enjoy each other's company.
• People watching. It takes all kinds of people to make this world go 'round, and they are all at the casino.
• Food!!! Fay Da Bakery, Hard Rock, Johnny Rockets...and my favorite: room service :)
• We can spend 12 hours there and still want to stay.
• Crazy old people. I learned more about menopause from this old drunk woman than I ever want to know, but she was nice.
• Making best friends with everyone: I like to do it everywhere I go and everyone at the casino is super nice.
• Sometimes you win your money back. When that happens, we use the drive home to plan our next trip.
• Sometimes you lose. When that happens, we use the drive home to plan our next trip.
• Sometimes you actually profit! When that happens, we use the drive home to plan our next trip.

 

Check out my "One Click Away From Awesome links to your right for more gambling entertainment. And now ,enjoy some pics from some of our favorite excursions. Happy Gambling!

Chihuly "Tree of Peace" at Turning Stone Casino in Verona, NY

WINNING!!!! At Foxwoods

Mmmmmm...Fay Da Coconut Bubble Smoothie and Japanese Cakes

Freemont St, Las Vegas. Go There.

Harrah's Casino in Las Vegas

Hard Rock Cafe in Foxwoods

Riverside Casino in Laughlin, NV

Breakfast in our room at Foxwoods.

They have really good eggs bennedict.

B is for bacon!

Hot, sizzly, salty, chewy, crunchy bacon. It goes with everything. I love bacon but not the extent of some of the people I know and CERTAINLY not to the extent of people on the Internet. Here are some facts about bacon:

1. The average American eats 17.9 pounds of bacon a year.
2. September 3rd is International Bacon Day
3. Over two billion pounds of bacon is made in the U.S.A each year.
4. Bacon is one of the oldest meats in history. (The first signs of bacon were around 1500 B.C.)
5. Bacon is healthier than hot dogs, hamburgers and glazed donuts in terms of salt, calories, fat and cholesterol.

Pretty awesome. Thanks, Internet, for those hopefully somewhat true facts. Now on to more fun. Here is some crazy bacon shit for you to enjoy:

The Bacon Explosion
What do you get when cross bacon strips, Italian sausage, bbq sauce and bbq rub? You get heaven:
http://www.bbqaddicts.com/blog/recipes/bacon-explosion/

Baconnaise
Less calories and fat than regular mayo. There IS a god!
http://www.baconnaise.com/

Homemade Bacon Desserts
Check out what a search on Etsy for bacon desserts gave me. It's a little slice of heaven.
http://www.etsy.com/search?includes%5B%5D=tags&q=bacon+desserts

That was fun! Now to close, some sexy bacon shots! I hope you've enjoyed this trip down bacon lane with me. Viva la cured pork!

Mmmm...

OMFG he's too legit

It's not kosher but it's hot

Now THAT'S some sexy bacon!

Total BILF

"A" as in...

In an attempt to begin my Lazy Girl's Blog Challenge, I have decided to look up some fears that begin with the letter A, and tell you what I think about them:

Ailurophobia: Fear of cats.
Sometimes, I wish I had this. Seriously, our house is like a full-on shelter.

Alliumphobia: Fear of garlic.
Or really, you're not afraid of garlic...you're a vampire!

Agraphobia: Fear of sexual abuse.
Who wants to be sexually abused? Doesn't everyone have this fear?

Alektorophobia: Fear of chickens.
In their raw, skinless grocery store state, I totally have this. I hate touching chicken. Gag.

Amathophobia: Fear of dust.
 Ha! Don't come over to our house if you have this.

Allodoxaphobia: Fear of opinions.
This is a cop out. Opinions are like assholes. Every body's got one and most of them stink.

Anablephobia: Fear of looking up.
At least you never will have to worry about your fear of getting bird shit in your eyes.

Apeirophobia: Fear of infinity.
If I think about infinity too much, it makes me want to puke.

Apiphobia: Fear of bees.
 I'm getting a tatoo of this because it consumes my life.

Auroraphobia: Fear of Northern lights.
This one made me giggle because of how it sounds when you say it out loud. Auroraphobia should be "fear of Disney Princesses" anyways.

Automatonophobia: Fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues anything that falsly represents a sentient being.
FUCK YES. Anyone who isn't afraid of this shit, you obviously are not human. My sister will probably puke to even think about this...DOLLS ARE TRYING TO KILL YOU!!!!!

So, long story short, I am pretty much afraid of everything and this research just confirms it. There were more fears that I agreed with than didn't and was just the letter A. I need to go take a pill to calm down and not have nightmares tonight about bee covered dusty wax statues with garlic breath trying to have sex with me forever while looking up to the glow of the Aurora Borealis. God help me....

Love, Peace and Hair Grease,
Dana C

Blogging the Alphabet?

I saw this challenge where you blog from A-Z. Basically, you have to write every day except for Sunday, and each day your topic is the next letter of the alphabet. Well, there is no way I can write a blog 6 days a week, but perhaps I can do a lighter version of the challenge. So, Ive invented my own:

Lazy Girl's Blog Challenge: Blog the alphabet at your own slow-ass pace

The Rules
1. You must blog your first topic starting with "A" , then "B", then "C"....I almost fell asleep with boredon typing that one rule. See how lazy I am?
2. There is no time limit. But you can't go off the letter path until you have reached "Z"....zzzzzz...I seriously need to go to bed soon.
3. Rules are there ain't no rules! Sorry, I couldn't resist throwing in that Grease reference :)

So, my next blog topic will start with the letter A and it will be whenever I get off the couch and write something.

Wish me luck!

Happy Writing,
Dana

                                I took this badass pic with my cell proped up and used my nose to take the picture.
                                                            Don't be jealous of my mad photographer skillz

Tag this!

It appears as though I am in a game of tag. I'm "it". My job as "it" is to answer a handful of questions and then tag 8 more blogs. There's just one problem: I'm only following http://www.bringingupbella.com and that's who tagged me! I have determined that goal is two-fold...I need to answer these questions to the best of my ability, and then go find 8 blogs to follow and tag their asses! But first, on to the question portion of the game...

Describe Yourself In 7 Words
Quick Witted, Smart Ass, No Filter, Nice-ish

What Keeps You Up At Night
My husband's snoring. That, and sometimes at night I can't go to bed until I think about someone that pissed me off that day and come up with a bunch of really mean things to say so I can fantasize about making someone feel bad. I know it shouldn't make me feel better but it totally does.

Who Would You Like To Be?
I'd like to be like Laura Ingalls Wilder. She was smart, brave, and tough. In a world where everything came at such a high price, the pioneer women were kicking ass, shooting bears, and cooking up giant breakfasts for their families on a FIRE. They loved their husbands, their children and their animals.

What Are You Wearing Right Now?
A full body black latex cat suit with pink fuzzy slippers and a gag ball, why?

What Scares You?
Fire, Fighting, Bees, Being without the love of my life, drowning, not having dessert in the house when I really want something sweet, the voice in my head telling me to keep going, the voice in my head telling me I suck.

The Best and Worst of Blogging
Best: Being Honest
Worst: Being Honest

The Last Website I Visited
Facebook. God, that's pathetic. I wanted to say something cool but I didn't want to lie just to look interesting. Damn it I should have said something cool!

What Is The One Thing I Would Change About Myself?
I think I would be less mean when I am trying to be funny. But I can't help it that picking on people is funny and I REALLY can't help that other people are such easy targets, can I?

Slankets Yes or No?
Sure, why not? I'm lazy enough to wear a blanket with sleeves so I can eat chips and salsa and stay warm. And do you care when you dip your slanket sleeve in the salsa? Heck no!!! You can just buy a new one at CVS!

Tell Us Something About The Dog(s)/Cat(s)/Etc That Tagged You.
Bella: The sweetest 'fraidy cat dog in the world with two of the most patient parents ever.
Leslie (Bella's Mom): Animal Lover Smarty-Pants Perfectionist Extraordinaire, and a great supporter of my new blog :)

Next, it's on to find 8 blogs to follow, and tag them. But that's for another night. Time to go to bed and think about people I hate and making them cry so I can drift off to sleep with a smile on my face...

Blogging in my underwear....???

It's been a couple of months now that I have taking random things in my life and putting them on the interwebs. It's been an interesting time of learning about myself. Up to this point in time, I have only shared this blog with relatives, and a few good friends. I think I'm ready to share with the world, and by "the world" I mean Facebook.

It probably seems bizarre but blogging makes you feel very vulnerable. It's like being in your underwear in front of people. In fact, it's proactively asking people to look at you in your underwear. It's scary because you want people to enjoy it. I want you to smile, maybe even laugh and sometimes think (I know, scary). The responses I have had so far have been positive, thank god, because it keeps me from opening a vein in a warm tub. But it's time to spread my e-wings and e-fly.

So, with that being said, I will be going public soon. One of my colleagues and blogger mentors is helping me through this phase because she gets it. It makes me feel better knowing that someone else understands how weird it is to ask people to see me in my underwear. In the spirit of sharing my thoughts with the "Faceworld" I thought I would put together a small list of things I have learned about myself since starting to write:

1. I write just like I talk: no filters and very little planning ahead. Although I swear less here (but not purposefully. I think I just swear less in my head).
2. I worry about what people think about half the time. The other half, I don't give a rat's ass.
3. I think about punctuation more than I thought I would, but less about grammar and proper sentence structure.
4. I write, spell check, publish, then go back and fix stuff.
5. I kind of like doing this even though it's scary
6. I write the F word and then change it to something else (see "rat's ass, above) because the actual word "fuck" looks yucky in writing to me.
7. I start every post with the word "So,...". Then I go back and erase it because it annoys me.

So, on to bigger and different experiences in the the blogsphere. Wish me luck :)

                                                         Awesome Badass-ness